Yakko Warner - Hey, what do you want from us? We're freezing, here!
Narrator - Rosebud. Over a century ago, in the foothills of the old river valley, there stood the village of Acme Falls. It was a town filled with happy inhabitants, including the butcher-
Butcher - Hi!
Narrator - The baker-
Baker - Hi!
Narrator - And the candlestick maker-
Candlestick Maker - Hi!
Narrator - And a mime.
Yakko - Well no place is perfect.
Narrator - That's true. But Acme Falls was as close to perfect as possible - except for the mime, that is.
Yakko - Right!
Narrator - Now this village was part of a peace-loving, picturesque little country called Warnerstock, which was ruled by a benevolent king, Sir William the Good. Everyone loved King William. Peace and prosperity covered the land, but then King William passed away and there was a struggle for control of the kingdom.
[Additional Voices - fighting ensues]
Narrator - And the struggle ended with Warnerstock being overthrown in a hostile takeover by the nation of Tictockia.
[Additional Voices - angry crowd]
Narrator - Now the new leader of Warnerstock was Salazar the Pushy, a ruthless corporate raider who vowed to rule with a tight fist. But the international community didn't support his regime, and the country's fortunes plummeted.
Additional Voice - [mumbling] We're broke!
Narrator - Salazar's treasury grew dangerously low, so he sent out an edict for the country to start turning a profit or perish. To fill the royal coffers, all cities and towns were to be taxed, and this included Acme Falls. There, the king sent his tax collector, Baron von Plotz, who was taxing to the extreme.
Ralph the Guard - Duh, that's right, keep it moving! Please give 'til it hurts! Next!
Baron von Plotz - [chewing] Well?
Additional Voice (Old Man) - Forgive me, Bron von Plotz, sir, but I've nothing to pay my taxes with. Why, you've taken my livestock, my land, my home, and left me with nothing to eat!
Plotz - Yes, yes, these are hard times. I can hardly keep the fire burning myself.
Additional Voice (Old Man) - Oof!
Plotz - Next!
[Additional Voices - man sobbing]
Narrator - The baron squeezed the life out of Acme Falls until the once prosperous town was crushed. And so our story begins, in the miserable little village of Acme Falls, with this pathetic band of downtrodden and destitute townsfolk - oh, and a mime, too. And three orphans who live on the street ever since the orphanage shut down; Yakko, Wakko, and Dot.
Yakko (singing) - Some folks say that life is cruel.
Wakko Warner (singing) - At the orphanage they fed us inedible gruel.
Dot Warner (singing) - We slept on beds with springs that hurt.
Yakko (singing) - The faucets had hot and cold running dirt.
Wakko (singing) - The windows were broken, the roof was leaky.
Dot (singing) - The walls were cracked, the floors were creaky.
Yakko (singing) - They shut down the orphanage and now we know-
Warners (singing) - [sigh] Those were the days, we miss it so!
Dot - And ever since then-
Additional Voice (Bass - Singing) - I've been feeling low.
Yakko (singing) - Another subzero morning!
Dot (singing) - And still there's nothing to eat!
Yakko (singing) - My feet couldn't get much colder.
Dot (singing) - Our breath is our main source of heat.
Yakko (singing) - We're so far below the poverty line we're off the graph!
Wakko (singing) - But don't fret, sibs, 'cause things'll get better in time, then you're gonna laugh!
Dot - Ha!
Rita (singing) - Poverty and hunger abound here.
Runt Valrunt (singing) - Yeah, looks like a city dump!
Dot (singing) - There's only one job to be found here-
Yakko (singing) - The town needs a new speed bump!
Dr. Otto Scratchansniff (singing) - Acme Falls was a paradise-
Hello Nurse (singing) - Happiest place on earth!
Chorus (singing) - But the tax collector's avarice took us for all we're worth!
Plotz (singing) - My coffers are overflowing!
Additional Voices (Shopkeeper Trio - Singing) - All of our shelves are bare!
Plotz (singing) - My profit margin is growing.
Additional Voices (Shopkeeper Trio - Singing) - We're broke, it seems so unfair!
Chorus (singing) - Life's so lousy we can no longer cope!
Wakko (singing) - You gotta cheer up and never, ever give up hope!
Yakko (singing) - All of the shops are closing.
Dot (singing) - Things couldn't get much worse!
Skippy Squirrel (singing) - Even my nuts are frozen.
Slappy Squirrel (singing) - Be careful with that last verse!
Dr. Scratchansniff (singing) - Hey, step up, and try our elixir - it's good for what hurts!
Nurse (singing) - Whatever ails you, it can fix 'er!
Dr. Scratchansniff (singing) - And it's great on desserts!
Brain (singing) - Drat, the temperature's falling!
Pinky (singing) - I love when the weather is cool!
Brain (singing) - A new ice age is calling.
Pinky (singing) - Look, I can freeze my drool!
Brain (singing) - I have hopes and dreams of ruling the earth, but here I sit watching Pinky make ice sculptures-
Pinky (singing) - Out of spit! Narf!
Slappy - This old tree is finished!
Skippy (singing) - Our acorn supply's gone too!
Slappy - So for dinner we're having creamed spinach.
Skippy (singing) - All I can say is 'Spew!'
Yakko, Dot (singing) - As a town we're so down, so we mope.
Wakko (singing) - You gotta cheer up and never give up hope!
Chorus (singing) - We can't cope!
Wakko (singing) - You gotta cheer up and never give up hope!
Chorus - Are you a dope?
Wakko - Nope!
Chorus (singing) - Just cheer up and never, ever give up hope, hope, hope, hope, hope! Yeah!
Narrator - And so the folks in Acme Falls hoped through the winter, they hoped through the spring, they hoped through the summer, and they hoped through the fall. But after a year of hoping, hope was running out for poor little Dot, who needed an operation.
Dot - [cough, cough]
Narrator - And while Yakko stayed behind to look after his sister, Wakko went out into the world to seek his fortune.
Yakko, Dot - [cough]
Narrator - And the town waited for Wakko's return. They waited through the winter, they waited through the spring, they waited through the summer, and they waited through the fall. And by the following winter, they were still waiting when a young mouse's fancy turned to romance.
Pinky - Oh, Pharfignewton, Pharfignewton! Wherefore art thou, Pharfignewton?
Pharfignewton - [whinnies]
Pinky - Oh, therefore you art. And lookie! Narf! I brought you a snacky-wacky!
Phar Fignewton - [whinnies, slurps]
Pinky - [laughs] Tronsk! Feeding you is like taking a really smelly bath!
Brain - Pinky, I need you!
Pinky - [gasps] Pharfignewton, I didn't know you could talk.
Brain - Pinky, stop this foolishness.
Pinky - You know, Pharfignewton, you sound an little like Brain- oof! [laughs] Oh, and you bop like Brain, too! Brain, hehe, we were just talking about you.
Brain - I knew I would find you out here wasting time with this horse. Come!
Pinky - but Pharfignewton and I have pledged our hearts to each other!
Brain - Pinky, that is a horse. You are a mouse.
Pinky - Oh Brain, don't be so intolerant! Why can't the horses and the mice live together in harmony along with the fairies and the wood sprites and the bean sprouts?
Brain - I stand corrected, Pinky. That is a horse. You are an imbecile.
Pinky - Thank you.
Brain - Now come. We must prepare for tonight.
Pinky - Why? What are we going to do tonight?
Brain - Guess.
Pinky - Try to take over the world?
Brain - Bingo!
Pinky - Egad, I love bingo! Narf! It's so much more fun than trying to take over- oof! [laughs]
Yakko - [light snores]
Dot - Hm?
Yakko - Huh?
Nurse - [gasps]
Slappy, Skippy - Huh?
Ralph - [muches]
Yakko, Dot - [gasp]
Yakko (singing) - Oh-ho the train bringing Wakko is a-rollin' down the track!
Dot (singing) - I'm sure that's the train my brother's on!
Chorus (singing) - Wakko went to see the world and now he's coming back!
Dot (singing) - I've missed him every day that he's been gone.
Minerva Mink (singing) - He went to seek his fortune and now he's returned.
Rita (singing) - Bringing back the treasures of everything he's learned.
Dot (singing) - Oh-ho the train with my brother is a-comin' closer!
Chorus (singing) - Bearing Wakko down the track-o, back home! Chug-chug-chug-chug-chug!
Wakko - Hi!
Chorus - Hooray!
Wakko - My friends of Acme Falls! I give you my fortune - a ha'penny!
Additional Voices (Female Trio - Singing) - **Root is B flat above middle C. The chord is major. If it helps, think 'do-mi-sol'.**
Ralph - Duh, huh.
Nurse - A ha'penny?
Yakko - It's real!
Otto - He has a whole ha'penny!
Chorus - [cheers]
Wakko (singing) - I've got a ha'penny today!
Yakko, Dot (singing) - He's got a ha'penny, hooray!
Otto (singing) - How did you do it?
Wakko (singing) - All work and no play.
Dot (singing) - He chopped wood.
Yakko (singing) - He chopped suey.
Wakko (singing) - I pitched horse shoes and hay.
Yakko (singing) - He milks jokes and cows for his fee.
Wakko (singing) - It was more than I thought it would be.
Chorus (singing) - An entire full year's salary!
Wakko (singing) - And now I've got a ha'penny!
Chorus (singing) - He's got a ha'penny today! He's got a ha'penny, hooray!
Yakko, Dot (singing) - All those days of hard work and here's your reward!
Wakko (singing) - Now there's nothing in this world that I can't afford!
Dot (singing) - You can buy any toys you pick!
Yakko (singing) - And eat candy until you're sick!
Additional Voice (Chef - Singing) - Plus a gourmet meal for monsieur!
Yakko, Dot (singing) And still you'd never be poor!
Chorus (singing) - Because he's got a ha'penny today! He's got a ha'penny hooray!
Wakko (singing) - Our water tower shanty we can finally repair. I can even buy my brother some new underwear. It's like I won the lottery!
Chorus (singing) - Because he's got a ha'penny!
Wakko - I'll buy burgers at the butcher's and blintzes and the baker's, groceries at the grocer's, season tickets for the Lakers!
Otto - You can buy my new elixir!
Warners - Blech!
Nurse - You can buy it by the bucket!
Dot - There's just one little problem.
Yakko - It's lousy, you should chuck it!
Wakko (singing) - It's so to believe it really happened to me, I'm going shopping with my ha'penny!
Chorus (singing) - He's going shopping with his ha'penny!
Ralph - Duh, newses from the village to report, sir!
Plotz - What is it?
Ralph - Duh, seems that one of the townsfolks is happy.
Plotz - What do you mean?
Ralph - Wakko's Warner's has come into the possession of a ha'penny.
Plotz - Ka-ching.
Chorus (singing) - [cheers] He's got a ha'penny today! He's got a ha'penny hooray! With it he could buy himself a tropical cruise!
Wakko (singing) - But first there's one important thing that I have to choose. My sister has been ailing quite a lot.
Yakko (singing) - We don't exactly know what she has got.
Chorus (singing) - You plan to spend your ha'penny on what?
Wakko (singing) - An operation to save my sister Dot!
Chorus (singing) - To cure whatever problem she's got! An operation to save his sister Dot!
Wakko (singing) - It's a present to her from me all because I've a got a ha'penny.
Chorus (singing) - Because he's got a ha'penny! In the village that's called Acme, he's going shopping! So let's get hopping! He's going shopping with his ha'penny! [cheer]
Plotz - And we're all thrilled for your good fortune. Now, about your taxes.
Chorus - [groans]
Wakko - Taxes? What taxes?
Plotz - Well, let's take out your tax forms and see. First we total your income and calculate your deductions for the year. how many dependents, include city, county, state, and federal taxes including license fees. Ooh hoo, that takes you up into a whole new tax bracket! The king will be absolutely delighted.
Wakko - The king is a jerk!
Plotz - Oh, good! That qualifies you for the "Calling the King a Jerk" tax!
Wakko - Huh?
Plotz - Then add property tax, sales tax, excise tax, stamp tax, tea and thumb tax, shipping and handling, multiplied by your shoe size, and you owe a grand total of exactly one ha'penny.
Wakko - Wha?
Ralph - Duh!
Plotz - Your federal government thanks you!
Wakko - Hey!
Yakko - We can't let him do that to Wakko! It's unfair! We have to stick together and stop them! Uhhh, or not. If you have any questions, just talk to my lawyer. He'll explain everything.
Rita (singing) - So much for Wakko's ha'penny. Now Acme Falls is back in misery.
Slappy (singing) - Should I? Or do you wanna carve?
Skippy (singing) - Frankly, I'd just as soon starve!
Otto (singing) - I'm starting to feel the stress!
Otto, Nurse (singing) - Acme Falls is ha'penniless!
Dot - [yawns, coughs]
Yakko - Good night, Dot. Sleep tight.
Dot - [coughs] Tell me the story.
Yakko - Ok. There once was a man from Nantucket-
Dot - Not that story!
Yakko - Look, it's late, go to sleep.
Dot - Aw, c'mon, tell me the story, please?
Yakko - [sighs] Oh, alright. But then it's lights out. Deal?
Dot - Deal.
[Yakko sits next to Dot on her bed, her snuggling close to him, as he tells her the story of her birth.]
Yakko - Ok. Once upon a time a brave knight married a beautiful princess and they had two sons.
Dot - But they wanted a daughter, too.
Yakko - Right. So they planted a garden all over the kingdom, and on the first day of spring every flower in that garden bloomed. And out of the prttiest flower came-
Dot - Me.
Yakko - Yup.
[Dot snuggles closer as Yakko hugs her and smiles. Wakko is standing in her bedroom's doorway looking at her in worry of her health, but they don't notice. Yakko continues with the story as Wakko closes the curtains and looks away sadly.]
Yakko - And so the knight and his bride - Mom and Dad - took you home. And every night at bedtime they're come in and say, "Who's the cutest girl?" and you'd say-
Dot - I am.
Yakko - And they'd ask, [rubs noses] "How'd you ever get so cute?" and you'd say-
Dot - I was born that way.
Yakko - And they'd say, [pokes her nose] "Tell us your name, young lady," and you'd say-
Dot - Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third. But you can call me Dot.
Yakko - And they'd say, "Can we call you Dottie?" and you'd say-
Dot - No. Just Dot. Call me Dottie and you die.
Yakko - And Mom and Dad would laugh, and laugh, and laugh, and they'd tickle you-
Dot - [laughs happily, but coughs for a moment, then continues laughing]
Yakko - And then you'd laugh, too.
Dot - [giggles][coughs][giggles more]
Yakko - [gets off her bed and covers her up as she lies down to sleep] And you'd fall asleep with a great, big smile in your heart.
Dot - [coughs, falling asleep] I like that story.
Yakko - [strokes her head gently and whispers] Good night, sis.
Wakko - How is she?
Yakko - Not great. Those acting lessons never really sunk in.
Wakko - No, I mean her health!
Yakko - Oh, well, who knows?
Wakko - If I'd only earned more.
Yakko - Hey, you did your best, Wakko. We'll pay for her operation some other way.
Wakko - I guess.
Yakko - You turning in?
Wakko - To what?
Yakko - Good question. See you in the morning.
Wakko - 'Night.
Wakko [singing] - Twinkle, twinkle, wishing star, how I wonder where you are. Out in space so bright and clear, can you see me way down here?
Wakko - Hmm, I wonder.
Wakko [singing] - Let me pick the star that's right and pick the wishing star tonight. Like finding a needle in a haystack - eenie meenie minie Moe and Jack! Wishing star, please hear my plea, grant one wish, one wish for me.
Wakko - Uh oh, I think I broke something. Who are you?
Francis "Pip" Pumphandle - I'm your Desire Fulfillment Facilitator.
Wakko - Huh?
Pip - Well, I used to be called the Good Fairy but that sounds so old-fashioned.
Wakko - Oh.
Pip - So I'm your Desire Fulfillment Facilitator, but everyone calls me Pip.
Wakko - Nice to meetcha, Pip!
Pip - The pleasure's likewise. And may I be the first to congratulate you, Wakko Warner. You did it. Out of all the stars in the sky, you selected the one and only wishing star.
Wakko - I did?
Pip - Absolutely. I've been waiting centuries for someone to choose the right one. Must be this clear country air. Oh yeah. Look at that. You just don't get visibility like this in the city.
Wakko - [pants]
Pip - Your request for a wish has brought me here. Now you can have any wish you want.
Wakko - You mean besides wishing you'd let go of my hand?
Pip - Yes, besides that. The wishing star is ready. Are you ready to make your wish?
Wakko - You bet!
Pip - The here goes.
Rita - [gasps] Me-yow! What is that?
Runt - Dunno, definitely don't know, yeah, yeah, definitely.
Pip - Now go make your wish.
Wakko - What do you mean, go?
Pip - To where the star landed. Wishes need to be made in person.
Wakko - No kidding?
Pip - It's in the manual. And I quote, "The one who touches the fallen star first will be granted one wish."
Wakko - That sounds easy enough.
Pip - Funny. I thought it would land a lot closer. Oh well. Bon voyage. Have a safe journey. And remember-
Pip [singing] - You gotta cheer up and never give up hope!
Wakko [singing] - I won't mope!
Pip [singing] - Just cheer up-
Wakko, Pip [singing] - And never, ever give up hope, hope, hope, hope, hope! Yeah!
Pip - Ciao.
Yakko - [yawns]
Wakko - You'll never guess what just happened!
Dot - [yawns]
Yakko - Try us, we're gullible. Warners [singing] - We're leaving Acme Falls to find the wishing star! We're heading off to seek our dream come true! It's waiting right out there, the answer to our prayer.
Wakko [singing] - A wish for free!
Yakko, Dot [singing] - Hey, you might be a multimillionaire!
Warners [singing] - That's why we're off to seek our destiny together!
Yakko [singing] - It's one for all!
Wakko [singing] - And all for one!
Dot [singing] - Times three!
Warners [singing] - Who cares about the stuff we lack? We're on our way and we won't be back-
Wakko [singing] - Until we find that star!
Dot - Gee, it looks kinda far!
Yakko [singing] - Too bad we don't have a car!
Warners [singing] - Oh, what the hey, we're on our way to find the wishing star! We're leaving Acme Falls to find the wishing star! And when we do our troubles are gonna be through. It's just around the bend, it's where the mountains end. We're packing our load, we're hitting the road, let's sing it together again, hey, hey! We wanna be the first to touch the wishing star! We're northward bound, we're leaving town today!
Yakko [singing] - We're taking a stand!
Wakko [singing] - We're making a vow!
Dot [singing] - This is the place-
Warners [singing] - The moment is now! We, Yakko, Wakko and Dot! We're giving it all we got!
Dot [singing] - We're coming so ready or not!
Warners [singing] - Today's the day, we're on our way to find the wishing star!
- This section spoken in rhythm*
Otto - Hey, what's up, what's all the noise?
Additional Voices (Candlestick Maker) - The Warner girl and the Warner boys!
Additional Voices (Chef) - They're gather round in the village square.
Additional Voices (Candlestick Maker) - They say there's something way out there!
Minerva - Something weird and something strange!
Additional Voices (Three Village Men) - Beyond the farthest mountain range!
Otto - What are you saying?
Nurse - What do you mean?
Chorus - It's something no one's ever seen!
Rita - What's the story?
Runt - What's the fuss?
Yakko - We're about to leave, and that's because-
Dot - We're on our way to the wishing star!
Otto - The wishing star?
Nurse - The wishing star?
Brain - What is that?
Pinky - Haven't you heard?
Brain - There's no such thing, it's too absurd!
Slappy - What's the story?
Skippy - What's the dish?
Wakko - Touch the star and you get one wish!
Otto - You get one wish if you touch the star?
Slappy - Where's it at?
Skippy - Is it way out far?
Dot - It could well be, but we just don't know.
Yakko - We'll soon find out, 'cause we're going to go-
Warners [singing] - To the wishing star!
Chorus [singing] - To the wishing star!
Warners [singing] - It's something weird and so bizarre, it fell to earth from way up far!
Chorus [singing] - They're on their way to the wishing star!
Warners [singing] - The wishing star! Oh yes, we are! On our way, so we'll say "Bonsoir!" Ciao, you guys, and au revoir! Now we're off to the wishing star!
Chorus [singing] - Yes, it's true! The Warners are! On their way to the wishing star!
Otto [singing] - They'll be rich as a king or czar!
Chorus [singing] - When they get their wish from the wishing star!
Wakko [singing] - I looked up in the sky last night and all the stars were shining bright, and I wished I may and I wished I might just have the wish I wished last night!
Chorus [singing] - He looked up in the sky so bright and he saw the stars up in the night, and he wished he may and he wished he might have the wish that he wished last night!
Wakko [singing] - Then right there before my eyes I saw a light up in the skies, the wishing star lit up the night and then exploded really bright! It fell to earth and it came on down in a great big piece that hit the ground. And then some fairy said to me, "Whoever gets there first, you see, just touch the star, that's all you do, and then you get your wish come true!"
Chorus - Touch the star, that's all you do and then you get your wish come true!
- Rhythmic speaking ends*
Otto [singing] - Wait, now. Let me get this straight, now. You mean whoever gets there first can have a wish all to himself?
Rita [singing] - We have to go now, because we know now, that if I'm the first to touch the star that wish belongs to me!
Slappy, Skippy [singing] - We've got to run now, before they're done now, so we can get a big head start and beat the others to the punch!
Ralph [singing] - I can't be slow now!
Additional Voices (Three Village Men - Singing) - We have to go now!
Minerva [singing] - And I have got to get there first because-
Chorus - That wish belongs to me!
Otto - Belongs to me!
Slappy - Belongs to me!
Nurse - Belongs to me!
Skippy - Belongs to me!
Rita - Belongs to me!
Runt - Me!
Warners - Me!
Chicken Boo - Ba-caw!
Plotz - It all belongs to me! Let's roll!
Ralph - Duh, hyah!
Otto [singing] - We're on our way to the wishing star, it could be near or it could be far!
Warners [singing] - But we're gonna get there first, you see, the one who gets there first will be in a super wagon, wrapped and bowed, then on the snow it's gonna blow! It has a sail, it's like a sleigh. Look out world, we're on our way!
Otto [singing] - Pharfignewton, come on, scurry!
Nurse [singing] - Time to go, we've got to hurry!
Pinky [singing] - Farewell to my life-long mate!
Brain [singing] - Pinky needs a mousie date.
Cast [singing] - On the road, can't stop us now, through the town the oxen plough!
Plotz [singing] - Clear the way, you stupid mime!
Chorus [singing] - He gets trampled all the time.
Warners [singing] - It's over hill and over dale, sailing down the snowy trail.
Slappy [singing] - Through the trees is plenty quick.
Skippy [singing] - We can go by pogo stick.
Brain [singing] - Pinky, are you pondering exactly what I'm pondering?
Pinky [singing] - I think so, Brain, but just how will we get the weasel to hold still?
Brain [singing] - No, that wish is all we need, our plan could finally succeed!
Warners [singing] - Onwards through the snow and drifts, onwards towards the mountain cliffs.
Plotz [singing] - The one who finds that wishing star will soon be eating caviar.
Otto [singing] - Und that my friend is going to be no one else except for me!
Rita [singing] - 'Cause this is definitely gonna be our golden opportunity!
Additional Voices (Three Village Men - Singing) - We're going to get that wish, you see.
Additional Voices (Minerva, Butcher, Candlestick Maker - Singing) - The star belongs to me!
Additional Voices (Three Village Men - Singing) - No, no, the star belongs to me!
Additional Voices (Minerva, Butcher, Candlestick Maker - Singing) - No, no, the star belongs to me!
Otto, Nurse - To me!
Slappy, Skippy - To me!
Rita, Runt - To me!
Chorus - To me!
Warners - I've got to get to the wishing star!
Otto, Nurse - I gotta get to the wishing star!
Rita, Runt - I hope it's near and not too far!
Chorus - Gotta be first to the wishing star!
Pinky [singing] - Here we are. My love and all the rest have gone to find the wishing star.
Brain [singing] - You'll find that they won't get too far, for we will get there first.
Pinky - Oh, well that's different then, isn't it? Tronsk!
Chorus [singing] - I've got to get to the wishing star, we're doing really good so far!
Plotz - Out of my way, whoever you are!
Chorus - I'm gonna get to the wishing star!
Otto - Wishing!
Nurse - Wishing!
Rita - Wishing!
Runt - Wishing!
Slappy - Wishing!
Skippy - Wishing!
Additional Voices (Minerva, Butcher, Candlestick Maker) - Wishing!
Additional Voices (Three Village Men) - Wishing!
Pinky - Wishing!
Brain - Wishing!
Plotz - Wishing!
Ralph - Wishing!
Dot - Wishing!
Wakko - Wishing!
Yakko - Wishing!
Warners [singing] - The wishing!
Chorus [singing] - The wishing...star!
Dot - Maybe we should have kept this our little secret.
Chorus [singing] - The wishing star!
Plotz - Hehehe. What a bunch of losers. Gah! Ralph! What are you stopping for?
Ralph - Duh, we's got's company's.
Plotz - What?
Ralph - All the king's horses and all the king's menses.
Plotz - Gah! Uh, hi fellas. Hehe, are we in some sort of trouble, officer? Ooh.
Dot - ha! Look who got pinched for speeding.
Yakko - Couldn't have happened to a nicer tax collector.
Pinky - But Brain, how ever will we get to the wishing star first?
Brain - Simple, Pinky. With the help of the great Leonardo da Vinci.
Pinky - He's going to give us a ride there in his pant cuffs?
Brain - No Pinky, da Vinci's dead.
Pinky - Oh, how sad. When's the funeral.
Brain - He died a long time ago.
Pinky - [gasps] And I forgot to send flowers? Stupid, stupid stupid!
Brain - Oh please. Let me. STUPID!!!
Pinky - [laughs] Narf! Thanks.
Brain - Now zip it.
Pinky - Zip!
Brain - Leonardo da Vinci, Pinky. Not only a world-renowned painter-
Pinky - [lip buzzes]
Brain - But an ingenious inventor as well. I'm going to have to hurt you.
Pinky - Re-zip.
Brain - Da Vinci designed the first flying machine - the air screw. With my clever modifications to the da Vinci plans, this baby will fly!
Pinky - Egad, brilliant, Brain! No, no, wait. If we were meant to fly, we would've been born with little bags of nuts. Oof!
Brain - Pinky, you are a little bag of nuts.
Pinky - Re-zip again! [laughs]
Brain - Now come, we have an airship to build!
Otto - Yah! giddy-up and go fast, Pharfignewton horsie-girl!
Rita, Runt - [grunt]
Yakko, Wakko [singing] - Sailing through the slush in a wind-blown wagon sled, down the road we mush, Dot is still in bed!
Dot [singing] - I'm getting really bored. I read this magazine. if we don't get there soon, I think I'm gonna scream.
Warners [singing] - Oh, wishing star, from afar, Dot is getting worse! Be a sport and grant our wish or we'll sing another verse!
Dot - [cough]
Buttons - [sniffs][sighs]
Mindy's Mother - Oh Mindy, hon?
Mindy - Hi lady!
Mindy's Mother - I'm Mom. Call me Mom.
Mindy - Ok lady.
Mindy's Mother - [sighs exasperatedly] Now Mindy hon, I need you to take this fresh marionberry pie over to grandma at the retirement village. If she doesn't have her sweets by four, she starts doing wheelies on the shuffleboard court. And Buttons, you go along with Mindy.
Buttons - [whines]
Mindy's Mother - You can eat when you get back.
Buttons - [growls]
Mindy's Mother - Don't you sass me!
Mindy - Buttons goes "Grrr," hee hee.
Mindy's Mother - Just make sure Mindy gets home safely.
Buttons - [barks]
Mindy's Mother - I'd do it myself, but I'm too busy baking cookies for the seven dwarves. You know how your uncles love my chocolate chips.
Mindy - Bye lady.
Mindy's Mother - Call me Mom. Busy, busy Mom.
Mindy - Ok bumblebee lady, I love you, buh-bye!
Mindy's Mother - Bye hon.
Buttons - [whines]
Mindy - Look! Pie for Buttons!
Buttons - Roo?
Mindy - Good puppy.
Buttons - Rank roo. [munches]
Skippy - Hurry up, Aunt Slappy!
Slappy - yeah, yeah, keep your fur on.
Skippy - [Tarzan yell]
Slappy - [pants][Tarzan yell][coughs heavily]
Skippy - Are you ok, Aunt Slappy?
Slappy - Yeah, I'll be fine. Just as soon as I cough up my lung.
Skippy - C'mon! At this rate, we'll be at the wishing star in no time!
Slappy - yeah, like I told you, Skippy.
Slappy [singing] - We take the high road and they take the low road and we'll reach the wishing star before them!
Skippy [singing] But sad is me heart until we meet again by the bonny, bonny falls of auld Acme.
Slappy - We definitely got to get you some singing lessons.
Skippy - Oh yeah, look who's talking.
Slappy - Hey, hey, cheap shot. I'm old, very old.
Skippy - Oh please, like you could sing when you were young?
Slappy - Better than that.
Skippy - Yeah, yeah, gimme a break.
Mindy - Funny squirrel-y whirrlies! [giggles]
Buttons - [slurps] Buttons - [slurps] Ah... [slurps] Aroo? [sniffs]
Mindy - Ah!
Buttons - [whimpers]
Mindy - [giggles]
Buttons - [gasps]
Mindy - Silly Buttons, puppies can't climb trees!
Buttons - Ruh? [yelps]
Mindy - Ok, I love you, buh-bye! [giggles]
Buttons - [sighs]
Brain - Pedal, Pinky! Pedal as if our very lives depended on it! Which may well be the case.
Pinky - Narf! Aye aye, cap'n Brain!
Brain - It's working, Pinky! Just picture our future, my friend! When our efforts are rewarded by fame, fortune, and a world that's a better place for all. Are you picturing that?
Pinky - Actually, I'm picturing Pharfignewton's tongue. [slurps]
Brain - Yeesh. Pinky, you've left the lens cap of your mind on again. With the wind at our backs, all we have to do is maintain this velocity and we'll be the first to reach the wishing star. Do you know what that means, Pinky?
Pinky - Yes I do, Brain!
Brain - What, Pinky?
Pinky - What do you mean, "what"?
Brain - What does it mean?
Pinky - What does what mean?
Brain - Nevermind, Pinky. It means we get our wish!
Pinky - What means we get our wish?
Brain - Skip it.
Pinky - Skip what?
Brain - Grrr! Just stop!
Pinky - 'Kay.
Brain - Ahhhh! No! Keep pedaling! Keep pedaling, Pinky! [gasps] You almost killed us, Pinky! What were you thinking?
Pinky - But you said stop! You really did, Brain, you said stop!
Brain - Ignore what I say!
Pinky - Really?
Brain - Yes, just keep pedaling.
Pinky - 'Kay.
Brain - Ahhhh!! What are you doing!?
Pinky - Ignoring what you say.
Brain - Not about that!
Pinky - Not about what?
Brain - Just keep pedaling!
Pinky - Sometimes you are so confused, Brain! Poit! Oof! [giggles] Narf!
Plotz, Ralph - [grunt] Hey! (said at different timings)
Ralph - Duh, hey! Not so rough!
Plotz - What's the meaning of this? I demand to know who's respon- [gasps] King Salazar!
Salazar - Baron von Plotz. What a pleasure.
Plotz - Oh ho, no sir, the pleasure is all ours.
Plotz, Ralph - Yick!
Salazar - I hear of a star, brighter than my very countenance.
Plotz - Oh! Heh, that's hard to believe, sire.
Salazar - You seem to believe it, Plotz! My guards found the two of you racing toward it!
Ralph - We was?
Salazar - Don't play dumb with me, constable!
Ralph - 'Kay. Uh, whatcha wanna play, then?
Salazar - Nothing! Just tell me about the star!
Plotz - Shh. Well, it's uh, big and uh, shiny.
Ralph - And, and big, too!
Plotz - And-and kind of shiny!
Ralph - Duh, and uh, big?
Plotz - And the first person to touch the star gets one wish!
Salazar - One wish? Who could ask for anything more? Now, baron, what would you wish for beyond the joy of serving me?
Plotz - Oh ho, you know, the regular stuff. Queen Mora, a weekend in Branston, Missouri.
Ralph - Ooh! *Andy Wamses has a place there!
(*I'm guessing about that name.)
Plotz - Oh yes! I like him.
Salazar - Or perhaps you were simply rushing off to secure the star for your king?
Plotz - Yes! Better, good, I-I like that. Th-that's it, good thinking! Right. Secure the star for you. Yes. Exactly.
Salazar - Good. We see eye to eye. Now let me show you the fly in the ointment.
Ralph - Duh, that's not a fly, sir's.
Plotz - It's a telescope.
Salazar - Look into it.
Plotz, Ralph - (Ralph -Duh,) Oh!
Plotz - Look! It's those kids from the village!
Salazar - Yes. The Warners.
Salazar (singing) - They're on their way to go and touch the wishing star! Those kids are gonna be rich, but what about me?
Plotz - I don't know!
Salazar (singing) - You'd better bet I'll be getting there first and if I don't your life'll be cursed! So wish that the wish will wind up belonging to me!
Ralph - I wish!
Salazar (singing) - I want it so much! I've gotta go touch that wishing star!
Plotz - Ok, ok!
Salazar (singing) - They're getting ahead! They'll get it instead of me!
Ralph - Duh...
Salazar (singing) - You've got to be quick! You've got to be fast! You've got to beat out the rest of the cast to get to that star and capture that wish for me!
Dot (singing) - We're on our way today to find the wishing star!
Yakko (singing) - Got to get there first!
Dot (singing) - We're on our way to have our dream come true!
Wakko (singing) - Got to find it!
Dot (singing) - It's there, somewhere.
Yakko, Wakko (singing) - Though we're needy, we're not greedy!
Dot (singing) - That wish, you see!
Wakko (singing) - Belongs to we!
Yakko (singing) - So out of the way, 'cause we gotta be-
Dot (singing) - The first in line to try and go find the wishing star!
Yakko, Wakko (singing) - It's over the mountains and the hills!
Dot (singing) - It's one for all!
Warners (singing) - And all for one, times three!
Salazar, Plotz, Ralph (singing) - We're taking a stand, we're making a vow. This is the place, the moment is now!
Plotz, Ralph (singing) - This is our golden opportunity!
Salazar, Plotz, Ralph (singing) - The wishing star belongs to three!
Salazar (singing) - Me, myself, and I!
Salazar - Your job, baron, is to keep those villagers from getting to the star- by any means necessary!
Plotz, Ralph - Yes sir!
Salazar - Oh, and those three kids, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot.
Plotz - Yes sir?
Salazar - I don't want them showing up at the wishing star.
Plotz - I'll slow them down, sir!
Salazar - You're not catching my drift.
Plotz - Well, I'll try to steer them off course.
Salazar - I don't want to see them again- alive.
Plotz - But they're just kids! How much trouble can they be?
Salazar - You have no idea. So don't think of them as kids, baron. Think of them as the dearly departed. Or you'll be likewise! Understood?
Plotz - Clear as crystal, sir.
Salazar - Then go!
Plotz - Ah! We're gone!
Ralph - Hyah!
Salazar - Send the northern army to secure the area where the star fell.
Captain - Yes sir!
Salazar - Make sure no one touches that star but me, understood?
Captain - Understood, sir.
Salazar - And prepare my train for travel.
Captain - Very good, sir. Anything else?
Salazar - Yes. Fetch me the rats with wings.
Captain - Yes sir.
Goodfeathers - [yelling, complaining]
Squit - Cheese it, it's the boss.
Pesto, Bobby - Huh?
Goodfeathers - Your majesty!
Salazar - Shush, you bizarre, chattering squabs!
Pesto - Uh, technically your highness, we're pigeons.
Salazar - You are disgusting rats with wings and you'll do what I say or I'll feed you to my puppies!
Additional Voices (Puppies) - [barking, snarling]
Squit - Yuhh..
Pesto - Uh, nice puppies.
Bobby - At your service, boss.
Pesto - Whatever you say!
Salazar - Silence!
Goodfeathers - [yells of agreement]
Salazar - And listen! I want you to follow Baron von Plotz and make sure he does his job. I don't trust him one little bit.
Pesto - Sure thing, boss.
Bobby - You got it.
Squit - Consider it done.
Pesto - But, uh, before we go, could we have a little taste of that cannoli?
Goodfeathers - [munching sounds]
Salazar - No! Fly now or you're puppy chow!
Additional Voices (Puppies) - [bark madly]
Goodfeathers - Ahh!! [We're flyin', we're flyin', flyin' over here! *repeated, not in unison*]
Pesto - Yow! Watch where you're snappin'! That king really fluffs my feathers. Rats with wings! He insulted us right to our faces. Are you insulted, Bobby?
Bobby - A little bit. Maybe just a little bit.
Squit - He treats us like we're nothing.
Pesto - And that's on a good day!
Bobby - I pray for a day like that. That's like Christmas, y'know what I mean?
Pesto - Absolutely! How does a bird get a little respect around here?
Bobby - Maybe we can wish for it.
Pesto - What are you saying?
Bobby - We can wish for it- at that wishing star!
Squit - [laughs] But Bobby, the king wants us to-
Bobby - Forget about what the king wants! Let's get what we want.
Pesto, Squit - You mean-?
Bobby - You got it.
Goodfeathers (singing) - We're taking a stand, we're making a vow. This is the place, the moment is now! This is our golden opportunity! The wishing star belongs to three! Us, ourselves, and we!
Plotz - Hurry it up, Ralph! We're gaining on them!
Ralph - Uh, hyah! Hyah!
Yakko (singing) - Did you ever wish that you could have a wish that would come true? I wonder what my wish would be, which I would want to wish, you see, which wish would be the wish for me, gee whiz, I wish I knew.
Dot (singing) - I'd wish that we were happy and be glad for what we've got. [coughs]
Wakko (singing) - I'd wish an operation for our little sister Dot.
Yakko (singing) - And I wish we could make this journey when the weather's hot.
Warners (singing) - If you could reach that wishing star and it was yours to take, what is it you'd want the most and what wish would you make?
Brain - Yes, Pinky! If I could rule the world then I'd be happy!
Pinky - With Pharfignewton, I'd be happy, too!
Plotz (singing) - If I could be the kind, that'd surely be the thing that would make me really happy, yes it's true!
Rita - If I could have a home then I'd be happy!
Runt - And if you were happy, I'd be happy, too! Definitely!
Rita (singing) - It's just a little task and it isn't much to ask if we could have our wish!
Runt (singing) - And a little doggie dish!
Rita (singing) - Then we'd be happy!
Ralph - Er, uh, I know! If I were a policeman I'd be happy!
Plotz - You are a policeman, Ralph!
Ralph - Oh, never mind.
Nurse - I would wish that every single person would appreciate me only for my mind-
Nurse (singing) - Because I've got a mean IQ of 192. They love me for my looks, but never for my books! So love me for my brain-
Yakko, Wakko - Hello Brain!
Brain - I am not amused.
Nurse - Then I'll be happy!
Ralph - If I could have my wish, I'd be a constable.
Plotz - Ralph, you are a constable!
Ralph - Oh, sorry. Otto (singing) - This stupid dumb elixir, I would wish that I could fix 'er, because I've always been a failure und a flop!
Goodfeathers - We've bee insulted and neglected, and we've never been respected and we wish the wishing star would make it stop!
Ralph - I know! If I could be the sheriff I'd be happy!
Plotz - Ralph, for crying out loud, you are the sheriff! You're the constable, you're a policeman, you're all of those things!
Ralph - Uh, gee, I don't think I'm getting the hang of this song.
Slappy (singing) - I've got bunions and arthritis and lumbago and bursitis, I need glasses and my kidney's got a stone. I'd wish retirement, you see, in a giant acorn tree, with everybody leaving me alone!
Skippy (singing) - I adore my Auntie Slappy but it'd really make me happy if I had some friends with little kids like me. 'Cause she's impatient and she's crabby and she's always really gabby, if I had some friends my age-
Mindy - Squirell-y whirrlies!
Skippy (singing) - Then I'd be happy!
Mindy - Whee!
Buttons - Aroo!
Mindy - Silly puppy.
Buttons - [whimpers]
Mindy - Ok, I love you, buh-bye!
Chorus (singing) - If we could have our wish then we'd be happy!
Brain - I want the world!
Rita - I want a home!
Goodfeathers - We want respect!
Ralph (singing) - Hey, I've got it now, I do, if my wish was coming true, what I'd really like to do-
Plotz - Yes?
Ralph - Is direct!
Warners (singing) - If you wish on a wishing star-
Yakko (singing) - You'll get your wish you see and then for sure you're gonna be-
Warners (singing) - Happy!
Chorus (singing) - Happy! Happy! Happy! When I get my wish then I'll be happy!
Salazar (singing) - And when I get my wish they'll all be gone!
Pharfignewton - [sighs]
Otto, Nurse - Heave! Heave! Heave!
Otto - [pants] Giddy-up, Pharfignewton! Pull, nice horsie! Pull the wagon! What is with this stupid horse?
Nurse - I don't know. Maybe she's homesick.
Otto - Well now is not the time for the pining, is time for the pulling, yah?
Pharfignewton - [whinies]
Otto - Come on, giddy-up, Pharfignewton, giddy-up! [gasps] Please gidddy-up, won't you? Uh, giddy-up with a cherry on the top? Pharfignewton, I order you to move your bombosity! Now! Thank you. Now can you please move it someplace else?
Nurse - Doctor? Dr. Scratchansniff? Now where'd he get to?
Yakko - Whoa! Just don't look down!
Wakko - Do you get vertigo?
Yakko - Nah.
Wakko - Me neither.
Yakko - Yeah, I've seen that movie three times and I still don't get it.
Yakko, Wakko - [grunt]
Wakko - Whoa!
Dot - Oh!
Yakko - [grunts]
Wakko - Phew!
Mindy - Squirrel-y whirrlies!
Buttons - [gasps]
Mindy - Whoo! [giggles] Silly Buttons.
Buttons - [yelps, gulps] Roo...
Mindy - [squeals]
Runt - [slurps, munches]
Pinky, Brain - Ah!
Pinky, Brain, Goodfeathers - Ah!
Pharfignewton - [gasps]
Buttons - Aroo!
Otto, Nurse - Ah!
Rita - [meowls]
Pinky, Brain, Goodfeathers - Wahh!
Ralph - D'hyah!
Plotz - Grr!
Warners - Nah nah, nah-nah nah! Oh! Ah!
Plotz - [laughs evilly]
Pinky, Brain, Goodfeathers - Ahh!
Plotz - Fire!
Rita, Runt, Buttons - [grunt]
Plotz - Ahh!
Pinky, Brain, Goodfeathers - Ahh! [slowly fade confusedly]
Goodfeathers - [groan]
Pharfignewton - [slurps]
Pinky - [giggles]
Pharfignewton - [slurps]
Brain - [yells]
Pharfignewton - [spits]
Plotz - [groans] Oof!
Rita - Ah!
Runt - You're a good dog, Rita. A real good dog, yeah.
Mindy - [giggles]
Buttons - Aroo.
Otto - What is this? [sniffs] Hey!
Nurse - Ah!
Wakko - Ah! [belches]
Otto - [gasps]
Nurse - [gasps]
Plotz - Huh?
Ralph - Uh!
Goodfeathers - Ah!
Rita - [gasps]
Buttons - [gasps]
Warners - Wah!
Goodfeathers - Ahh!
Additional Voices (Marita and Flavio) - [gasp]
Rita, Runt, Buttons, Mindy - [gasp, yelp]
Slappy, Skippy - Ahh!
Plotz, Ralph - Ahh! Whoa! Ahh!
Skippy - Ahh!
Slappy - [grunts]
Warners - Ooh.
Warners (singing) - Well, we're taking a stand, we're making a vow. This is the place, the moment is now. This is our golden opportunity. The wishing star belongs to three!
Salazar (singing) - Me, myself, and I!
Yakko - Uhhhh, this wasn't the wish I had in mind.
Slappy, Skippy, Rita, Runt - [gasp]
Otto, Nurse - [gasp]
Salazar - Secure the area!
Additional Voices (Soldier) - Come on, move it, let's go!
Additional Voices (Marita) - Mm-wah!
Captain - All hail the mighty King Salazar!
Wakko - Yay!
Dot - Salad bar? Alright, I'm starved! You got any bacon bits?
Yakko - Hiya Saladbar, I'm Yakko!
Wakko - And I'm Wakko!
Dot - And I'm Dot! The impossibly cute one! With a cough. [coughs] But you have to admit, even the cough is cute. [hacks]
Salazar - Ick! Yakko, Wakko - We're the Warner Brothers!
Dot - And the Warner Sister!
Salazar - I know who you are! Get back in line!
Dot - Uh, you got any garbanzo beans?
Salazar - It's Sala-zar! Not salad bar! Plotz!
Plotz - Y-your highness?
Salazar - I thought I told you to get rid of those little monsters.
Warners - [little kid noises]
Salazar - They're still alive.
Plotz - I-I did my best, sir.
Salazar - You've failed me, Plotz! Lock him up with the rest of the prisoners!
Plotz - Wha?
Salazar - The same goes for the constable and the rats with wings.
Ralph - Duh, oh boy!
Bobby - What the-?
Squit - Yikes!
Pesto - *Basta bastu!
(*This is a guess, since "basta" is Italian for "enough" and "bastu" is a similar phrasing)
Salazar - Never try to double-cross your king. Take them away.
Chorus - [complaining]
Warners - [little kid noises]
Salazar - And as for the Warners- execute them.
Chorus - [gasps]
Captain - Yes sir!
Yakko - Aw, you don't need to treat us special!
Salazar - I insist. Once the Warners are disposed of I'll proceed with making my wish.
Captain - Very good, sir.
Yakko - Ok, Salad Bar, have it your way. But we know secrets about the star that you don't!
Salazar - What? No you don't.
Dot - Oh yes we do!
Wakko - We do? Oof! Oh, do we ever!
Salazar - Like what? Tell me.
Yakko - Ehhhh, perhaps we could come to some sort of arrangement?
Wakko - [munching]
Yakko - Our new special friend, the king.
Dot - Who knew?
Salazar - Now tell me!
Yakko - Oh right, yeah, the secrets about the wishing star, right. Yeah. Y'see, the key to the whole thing is- you, uh, got a little something in your nose.
Salazar - What? Where?
Yakko - Right there.
Salazar - [sniffs] Did I get it?
Yakko - Yea- no, nope, still there.
Salazar - Oh. [sniffs] How about now?
Yakko - Now it's over there. Oogh.
Salazar - How about now?
Yakko - No- yick.
Wakko, Dot - Ew! Get it, get it, get it!
Yakko - Please! Could you go to the bathroom and take care of it? Ooh, I mean, whoops.
Salazar - Oh alright.
Warners (singing) - We're in charge, we're in charge, we're in charge!
Salazar - You horrible children, who taught you how to behave?
Wakko - No one, sir.
Dot - Y'see- [cough, cough] we're orphans.
Salazar - Yes, well, everyone has problems.
Yakko - Y'know, we'd so love to be adopted.
Wakko - Will you be our new daddy?
Salazar - Certainly not!
Dot - Buy me a toy, Daddy, buy me a toy, buy me a toy, buy me a toy!
Wakko - Oh please, Dad, do!
Salazar - I'm not your father!
Yakko - That's not what mommy said!
Salazar - When will this insanity stop?
Warners - Ooh, I know, I know, pick me! Me! Me! I know!
Salazar - Yes, you.
Dot - Duh, what was the question?
Yakko, Wakko - Yeah, good answer, alright!
Salazar - Are you going to tell me the star's secrets or not?
Warners - Never!
Salazar - Well, we have ways of making you talk. How about a trip to The Cave of Your Worst Nightmares?
Warners - Huh? Hm. Ahh! Oof!
Additional Voices (Female Announcer) - Please remain seated at all times while the tram is in motion.
Warners - Whee! Whoo! Wahh!
Wakko - Y'know, for a Cave of Your Worst Nightmares, this isn't so bad.
Mr. Director (singing) - Oh, lady! I know a lady with high heeled shoes! And socks and pantyhose, oh pretty lady!
Warners - Ahh!
Mr. Director - Hello there cute puppy children, with the spooky faces! *Hoyl!
(*This is a made-up expression, apparently.)
Warners - Ahh!
Mr. Director - *Freunlaven- oof!
(*Also a made-up expression.)
Dot - Glad that's over. [coughs]
Additional Voices (Gas Station Employee) - Be careful! I haven't cleaned that restroom in three years. [laughs maniacally]
Yakko - Somebody hit the lights.
Warners - Ahh!!
Baloney - [laughs] You make me feel all fun, fun, doodle dum!
Warners - Ahh!!!
Baloney - Will you be my special friend?
Warners - NO!!
Baloney - Oof! Ah! oof! [laughs] Gosh and golly gee!
Warners - [yelling] Huh?
Salazar - Well?
Yakko - We'll tell you anything.
Dot - [cough, cough] Just don't send us back there! Please!
Salazar - We'll see. Now tell me the secrets to the wishing star.
Yakko - Well, uhhhh, it's not what you wish for, it's uh, how you wish?
Salazar - Really?
Yakko - Oh yeah! You have to be careful, things are taken so literally nowadays.
Salazar - You don't say.
Yakko - Absolutely! Now what are you considering?
Salazar - Well, tops on my wishlist, I'd like to own the world.
Yakko - There you go. It spins. Nice, isn't it?
Salazar - No, I don't want that! Ah, here we go, how about fame and fortune?
Yakko - Here's Fame with Irene Cara and a subscription to Fortune magazine.
Salazar - Rats. Wait! I can wish for the Midas Touch! Everything I touch will turn to gold!
Yakko - Yeah, including food. Try eating a solid gold turkey.
Salazar - [gasps]
Yakko - Adios bicuspids!
Salazar - I never realized this wish business was so complicated.
Yakko -Tell me about it.
Salazar - Ah! How about I wish for youth and beauty?
Wakko - Here you go. A kid and a horse.
Salazar - Let me put it another way, then. How about eternal youth? Then I can be sixteen forever.
Dot - Yeah, and you'd go back to being sixteen and relive that same year over and over, and you'd have zits and no one would ever date you.
Salazar - Ugh! Never! I know! I'll wish for a million bucks! No, make that two million bucks!
Yakko - Just be glad it's not mating season.
Additional Voices (Buck) - [suggestive animal noises]
Salazar - Wait! I got it! What if I wished for all the dough in the world?
Yakko - Sounds good to me! [sucks] Ha! Dough, haha, like pastry dough, it's a joke, get it? [licks]
Salazar - [growls] Yes. And now it's your turn to get it. Captain! Take the Warners away! And have them executed!
Captain - Yes sir!
Yakko - Our joke was funnier.
Wakko - [grunts]
Yakko [grunts]
Yakko, Wakko - [grunt]
Dot - [grunts]
Captain - Sorry to do this kids, but that's my job, so let's get it over with. Any last requests?
Dot - Yeah. Set us free.
Captain - No-can-do, little missy. I have my orders.
Dot - Please let us go?
Captain - No way, man! Forget it!
Dot - Pwetty pwease wif whipped cweam and a chewwy on top?
Captain - Whoa, man! You're working your cuteness on me, man! Your irresistible cuteness! Stop it! Wrong! Wrong! Knock it off!
Dot - Pweasie-squeezie-weezie-weeze?
Captain - Nooo!! Fire!
Salazar - Ah. Music to my ears.
Captain - Oops. Missed.
Dot - How can we ever thankie-wankie you?
Captain - Don't! You're free, just- no more of the thing of cute. We can't take it.
Additional Voices (Three Soldiers "Too Cute!" - You're too cute!
Captain - Now go!
Dot - It's a gift.
Salazar - I could wish for everything in the world. But then, where would I store it all? maybe I could wish for a hundred wishes. I wonder if that's allowed.
Captain - Your majesty!
Salazar - Yes?
Captain - I'm afraid the Warners have escaped!
Salazar - What? But I told you to execute them!
Captain - I tried, man! I really did, but the cuteness was too much, man! They're too clever!
Salazar - Just like their parents.
Captain - Huh? Wha?
Salazar - I should've gotten rid of those kids years ago when I had the chance. At least now I know what to wish for. I'm gonna wish those annoying kids would leave me alone! Forever!
Dot - [cough, cough, cough]
Salazar - No!!
Dot - [five coughs] I can't make it.
Yakko - C'mon, Dot. We're almost there.
Salazar - Stop them! Fire! Fire! Fire! Yes!
Yakko, Wakko - No!
Captain, *Soldiers - [gasp]
(*If you have played any soldier additional voice, this will be you.)
Dot - [cough, cough]
Yakko - Dot, can you hear me?
Dot - Tell me the story.
Yakko - What?
Dot - The story. About Mom and Dad. Tell me- [cough] one last time.
Yakko - You should rest.
Dot - [cough] Once upon a time a brave knight married a beautiful princess. [cough] And they had two sons. But they wanted a daughter, too. So they planted a garden. [cough]
Yakko - And out of the prettiest flower came-
Dot - Me. [cough]
Yakko - And so Mom and Dad took you home and every night at bedtime... Yakko - And out of the prettiest flower came-
Dot - Me. [cough]
Yakko - And so Mom and Dad took you home and every night at bedtime they'd come in and say, "Who's the cutest girl?" And you'd say-
Dot - I am.
Yakko - And they'd say, "How'd you ever get so cute?" And you'd say-
Dot - [cough] I was born that way.
Yakko - And they'd say, "Tell us your name," and you'd say-
Dot - Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca [cough] Banana Fana Bobesca the Third. But you can call me- [cough] Dot.
Yakko - And they'd ask, "Can we call you Dottie?" And you'd say-
Dot - No. [cough] Just Dot. Call me Dottie and you die...
Yakko - [cries]
Chorus [cries]
Captain - She's- dead. And it's your fault, man!
Salazar - I-I...
Captain - She was the cute one, the impossibly cute one! And now she's gone! You killed her, man! Wrong! Wrong!
Salazar - I-I didn't mean it.
Additional Voices (Soldiers) - [grumble]
Salazar - Really! It's just that they were driving me crazy! These two and- wait, where's the other one?
Otto - Look! It's Wakko!
Salazar - No!!
Chorus (singing) - He's gonna get to the wishing star!
Salazar - Stop him 'fore he gets too far!
Wakko - Help me, spirit, wherever you are!
Chorus - He's up there to the wishing star!
Rita - Wishing!
Runt - Wishing!
Pinky - Wishing!
Brain - Wishing!
Slappy - Wishing!
Skippy - Wishing!
Plotz - Wishing!
Ralph - Wishing!
Bobby - Wishing!
Pesto - Wishing!
Squit - Wishing!
Minerva - Wishing!
Chorus - Wishing!
Chorus (singing) - The wishing! The wishing...star!
Dot - I'm feeling better now!
Chorus (singing) - The wishing star!
Captain - She's alive, man! The cute one's alive!
Chorus - [cheers]
Yakko - I guess those acting lessons paid off after all!
Dot - Do you really mean it?
Yakko - Nah. Mr. Spielberg loves this shot.
Pip - Nice job, Wakko! You've done well. The power of the wishing star is yours. At the sound of the tone, please make any wish you desire.
Wakko - Ok, here goes. I wish for...
Chorus - [gasps]
Wakko - Not one, but two ha'pennies!
Yakko - They're real!
Chorus - [cheers]
Salazar - No. No. [sobs]
Chorus (singing) - He's got two ha'pennies today! He's got two ha'pennies hooray! No more worries or cares, while it may sound cliché, it's the answer to our prayers and no more taxes to pay! Now it's back to the town of Acme to go shopping with his whole penny!
Narrator - And, as it turned out, Wakko had made the perfect wish, because with one of his ha'pennies he paid for his sister's long overdue operation.
Otto - It was a complete success!
Yakko, Wakko - Yay! Hooray!
Plotz - What was the operation for, anyway?
Otto - Plastic surgery, to implant a beauty mark on her cheek.
Dot - I call it a cutie mark. Cindy Crawford, eat your heart out! So, do I look cuter now?
Captain - Your cuteness is like, out of control, man! It's perfect!
Dot - Perfect, huh? [yawns] Well, I suppose that'll have to do.
Narrator - And with the ha'penny he earned with Dot's operation, Dr. Scratchansniff bought all the ingredients for his new elixir, which was mixed together by his crack team of beverage technologists.
Rita - More sugar?
Runt - [slurps][smacks lips] Yeah, yeah, definitely, definitely more sugar.
Narrator - At the same time, Hello Nurse came up with a new bottle design- one with a slightly more attractive shape.
Nurse - It just came to me- from who knows where.
Yakko, Wakko - Hello Nurse!
Narrator - Then they put their formula to the ultimate taste test.
Otto - Well?
Wakko - [belches]
Yakko - That's a big thumbs-up!
Narrator - So while they went off to market with their new drink, Wakko went to town with his other ha'penny and he bought-
Wakko - Burgers at the butcher's, blintzes at the baker's! Groceries at the grocer's, season tickets for the Lakers!
Narrator - That ha'penny exchanged hands all over town and everyone prospered, including the butcher-
Additional Voices (Butcher) - Hi!
Narrator - The baker-
Additional Voices (Baker) - Hi!
Narrator - And the candlestick maker.
Additional Voices (Candlestick Maker) - Hi!
Narrator - And a mime.
Yakko - Like we said, no place is perfect!
Narrator - But Acme Falls was as close to perfect as possible. And thanks to Wakko's wish, other wishes came true as well. With the spring thaw, Slappy's tree came back to life.
Slappy - Ah, sweet bliss.
Skippy - [laughs]
Additional Voices (Squirrel Boy) - [laughs]
Narrator - And Skippy's social life warmed up considerably.
Additional Voices (Squirrel Girl) - [sighs][giggles]
Skippy - Huh? Squirrel chicks, yowza! Duh. Yeah!
Slappy - He used to like nuts, now he's discovered dates.
Narrator - Buttons returned Mindy to her home.
Buttons - [sighs]
Mindy's Mother - Mindy, darling, you're back! You're safe! Oh, thank goodness!
Mindy - Hi, Mom!
Mindy's Mother - Mindy- you called me Mom! You called me Mom! It's a miracle!
Narrator - And Buttons received his wish- to be rewarded for his loyalty.
Buttons - [sighs][munches]
Narrator - Rita and Runt's wish came true, too.
Rita - [yawns] Life is good.
Runt - Yeah, good. Definitely, definitely good.
Narrator - They found a happy home with Dr Scratchansniff, whose elixir was renamed Scratchy Cola and was a huge success thanks to the corporation's savvy CEO.
Yakko, Wakko - Hello Nurse!
Narrator - Who was finally appreciated for her figuring, and not just her figure. Baron von Plotz achieved his wish, too; to be king.
Plotz - Burgermeister King, that is! May I take your order, please?
Narrator - He opened a chain of fast food restaurants that sell Scratchy Cola and Baron von Plotz Burgers.
Plotz - You want fries with that?
Narrator - And Ralph, who ultimately wanted to direct, got his wish, too. He's directing traffic in the village of Acme Falls.
Ralph - Duh, it's my dream come true.
Additional Voices (Angry Drivers) - [yelling]
Narrator - Even the pigeons, who wanted a little respect, got their wish.
Additional Voices (Candlestick Maker) - There they are!
Additional Voices (A Village Man) - Our heroes!
Minerva - Those three are the best!
Pesto - Finally, people are looking up to us!
Narrator - As for Yakko, Wakko, and Dot, they wound up with more than they'd ever dreamed. The hospital tracked down their birth certificates which proved the Warners to be of royal heritage.
Dot - Works for me!
Narrator - In fact, their parents had been the king and queen of Warnerstock, making Yakko, Wakko, and Dot the heirs to the throne.
Wakko - Faboo!
Narrator - It seems that when Salazar took control of the nation, he sent the royal Warner orphans into exile, never expecting to see them again.
Salazar - Ah!
Wakko - Ha! Fooled ya, didn't we?
Additional Voices (Puppies) - [growling][barking]
Salazar - [yellls in pain]
Narrator - So King Salazar was officially booted out, and the Warners became co-rulers of the kingdom. As for Pinky, he was appointed royal stablemouse so he could stay close to Pharfignewton.
Pinky - [singing a tune]
Narrator - His job was given to him by the Warners' most trusted advisor- Prime Minister Brain.
Brain - Yes! Come, Pinky. We must prepare for tomorrow night.
Pinky - Gee Brain, what are we going to do tomorrow night?
Brain - The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Plan for the sequel when we'll try to take over the kingdom and the world!
Chorus (singing) - They're Pinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain.
Narrator - So in the end, everyone in Acme Falls got his or her wish. Except for the mime, that is.
Yakko - Ehhhh, I dunno about him, but that sure was my wish.
Chorus (singing) - The good old days were a bummer, our town was a total dive! But now every day's like summer, it feels great to be alive! To state our message with greater clarity we now spin the Wheel of Morality!
Chorus - Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn! Tell us the lesson that we should learn!
Yakko - And the moral of our story is-
Chorus (singing) - When you're blue, buy a clue, try not to mope! You gotta cheer up and never give up hope! Don't be a dope. You gotta cheer up and never give up hope- try to cope! Just cheer up and never, ever give up hope, hope, hope, hope, hope!